This summer I got my heart broken...really broken...like, I cried for 13 hours on a plane ride home because it hurt that bad. And not just boo hooing, but sobbing...loudly. I think that my neighbors on the plane were thinking, "Someone call the Air Marshals--we got some crazy woman on the plane."
Some people told me that I should have guarded my heart more so it wouldn't have hurt that bad, but I don't regret giving my heart away, nor do I regret getting hurt...not one bit. Doing things half way isn't really my style, even when it comes to loving people. This time, however, it did backfire a little...and when you are crumpled on the floor in a puddle of tears, it seems like nothing will feel good ever again, ever.
But life goes on, even when you think you might need medication to get through it.
And life did go on, and looking back now, I see the good that the Lord brought out of a brutal time in my life. Sometimes life doesn't feel good...in fact it sometimes feels like a slow painful death might be better than the pain that defies you into thinking it will never go away as long as you live. I distinctly thinking, "Will this ever end?"
But even when life doesn't feel good, the Lord is still good. His character isn't defined by how I'm feeling, nor is how I'm feeling defined by His character. Truth, thankfully, transcends emotion, and emotion is generally circumstantial. Neither are easy, but both are a reality and must, therefore, be dealt with accordingly.
The fact that I can even say that I'm thankful for getting my heart broken is a testimony to God's grace. There are no residues of bitterness or anger, and I could write pages and pages of how God worked through my broken heart to grow me, teach me, draw me close to Himself, mature me, love me, and direct my life...but I'm not sure I have the energy to do that tonight.
Instead, I will say that I am now super happy, at home in Asheville, loving school, still excited about nursing, playing a ton of music, working a cool job, and more passionate for the Lord than ever before. His goodness is evident everywhere I look--all around me and deep within. Its evident in the gorgeous mountains that channel the mists every morning as I leave the house. Its evident in the music that I witness every Sunday night. Its evident in a Church that is reaching its community in a meaningful way. Its evident in testimonies I hear daily. Its evident in the fact that I can laugh, a lot. Its evident in the struggle against my sin. Its evident in my ability to love people. Its evident in the desires of my heart. God is good...that is who He is, and He shares that with us, often.
So Lord, thank you for your faithful goodness, for bringing amazing things out of difficult situations, and for new mercies everyday. Your grace is sufficient. Thank you that it is sufficient. Continue to mold and shape your children...not matter how bad it has to hurt.