Monday, October 22, 2007

So far behind

So its been a few months since I last wrote, but its not been because nothing has been happening. In fact, its been because so much is happening its been hard to find the time or energy to record my thoughts. Thank you to everyone who has been asking for an update...and now its time, and read on through, b/c the best part is at the end :-)

School is so many levels of incredible--incredibly rewarding, incredibly exhausing, incredibly difficult, incredibly fascinating. Even after 1.5 semesters, I know numerous drugs, can place catheters, give shots, do a physical exam, clean bottoms, bathe people in bed, chart like a champ, and wear clogs with the best of them. If I have lost touch with you over the past 5 months, I apologize, but if you only knew how difficult its been academically, you might understand. I hope you do...

I'm involved in an amazing church called the Summit. Its in Durham and the Lord is using it in incredible ways to bless this town and bring Himself much glory. Through the church, I get to play a lot of music and lead a girls bible study for nursing students. Its awesome to be able to find ways to serve God while being a busy student and to find such joy in the work despite being beat most of the time. If you want to check out the church, the website is, and its well worth it. The Lord was very gracious in taking me to that church, and giving me a bit of a family there.

Finally, I would like to say for the record that I am no longer, I haven't gotten married, but I have met an incredible man for whom I care deeply for and am really excited to know and walk with. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord, right? And Chris is certainly a gift. He demonstrates great grace and patience with me, and he exemplifies to me the ever-pursuing love of God. I couldn't ask for a more honest, dear, kind, passionate man of God. If you are a prayer, then pray for us, that we would honor the Lord and seek first His kingdom.

So that's about it for now...a lot has happened since the big move in May, and its not been easy, but it has certainly been good. I look forward to writing again soon...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The big move

Its pretty cliche to say the God moves in mysterious ways, and I hate cliches. Instead, I think saying, "God is wild and when we get caught up in that wild things start to happen," is perhaps more appropriate.

This year my church's "vision" is open hands. Its an unspoken vision of a people with hands wide open to God and whatever He calls us to. So as I try to walk out this vision with a wild God, I find old things being left behind and new, often unexpected, things being placed in my hands.

I have unexpected friends, like Chloe, a 4 year old love muffin who wears jeans under her skirts and soaks up the things of God. Then there's Sue, my adopted auntie who asks me the hard questions, says that which very few take the time to say, and prays as boldly as any woman I've ever known. And of course Becky, Nicole, Maggie, Michelle G, and Jodi--my beloved Highland girls who laugh and cry and talk about boys and God, and who are willing to die for His name's sake. There's Lynn and Michelle S who love me and don't want me to leave and who share their families with me. All these people I didn't know a year ago--people I can't imagine life without--unexpected blessings placed in open hands.

And now I have an unexpected future. Just a few weeks ago I planned on finishing nursing school Aug '08 and moving back to Asheville to work off the debt I would incur during my year in Chapel Hil. But God is wild and my hands are open, and things have changed. Now I know that UNC hospitals will pay for me to go to school in full if I agree to work for them for 2 years following graduation, which means I'm guaranteed a job at a great hospital AND I won't have any financial debt. Yes Lord, I see what You have placed in my hands. That certainly cannot be ignored. So instead of 1 year in Chapel Hill, its now 3 years there. I'm trusting He knows better than I concerning my future, and I'm asking Him to prepare my heart for such a transition. Leaving Asheville is far more permanent now than it was just 2 weeks ago. But He is faithful to His children, and I think I'm almost ready. Asheville is one of those things I have to leave behind.

So with open hands I walk, and as His word is lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path, He leadeth me. This wild, untamed, amazing God prepares me to go and He leads me to the places He wants me to be--unexpected places with unexpected challenges and unexpected joys...I think those are the best kind.

Friday, April 06, 2007


Tonight I "sorrowed". I mean I really let it all out.

I am sad, as betrayed by my red eyes and stuffy nose.

Close to 2000 years ago a man among men died willingly on a cross, bearing the transgressions of the world. He was a man of sorrows, the ultimate sacrifice, and the King of Kings.

Bearing the cross was not easy for Him. Death was not quick, or painless, or simple. That day was bloody and wretched. The skies darkened, much like the hearts of those He died to save. The temple veil was torn, and that which separated the world from God's presence fell to the wayside. It was finished.

In light of that, as God makes me more like Jesus with great patience and grace, I shouldn't wonder at why dying to myself is so painful. I shouldn't wonder at God asking me to give things up...things that are good...for His name's sake. Jesus gave up His very life for the glory of the Father and the redemption of souls. What God asks of me pales in comparison...and yet it still hurts. In a way, I mourn those things, and in my weakness I wonder if its worth it.

Is it worth being single?
Is it worth going overseas?
Is it worth leaving my beloved Asheville for school?
Is it worth building up treasures in heaven instead of on earth?

These are real questions I ask and stumble over and fumble over in my head.

And still, despite the pain of the sacrifice, by grace I take up my cross and follow Him. And He reminds me of a few things. He reminds me that through the cross Jesus found great reward and full satisfaction and the fullness of life. He reminds me that death is what brought Jesus back to the Father. He reminds me that His plans are good even when the goodness disappears behind sorrow. He reminds me that His love endures forever. He reminds me that its going to be worth it.

And so, in sacrifice, hope remains. In sacrifice, grace remains, and I keep walking.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Oh ye of little faith

Nine months ago I made a major decision. After dislocating both my shoulders, having surgery, losing my job, losing most of my money to pay for hospital bills, moving home, breaking up with the man I thought I might marry, forgoing my four years in Spain, and crying more than a person probably ought to, I decided sought the Lord in prayer and decided to go back to school for nursing. After a bit of research, I learned that UNC had a 14 month BSN program for students already holding a Bachelors degree, and I only needed 4 classes to meet the required prerequisites. So I made a major decision.

I moved to Asheville, signed up for those classes at the local community college, found an amazing church, and applied to UNC--only UNC--as I truly believed that is where God wanted me, so I tossed my Duke and AB Tech applications and finished all my UNC stuff at the 11th hour. Then it was all in their hands...and ultimately, in the Lord's hands.

After applying, I learned some things about being accepted into this its really competitive--really really they only accept 30 its one of the hardest program to get in to...and I started to lose hope.

I started to forget how God had led me. I started to have little faith in my abilities and in His. I started to think of what I would do if I didn't get in, and the only thing I could come up with was to cry.

I was so afraid to hope that I'd in get because the disappointment of being rejected would be so overwhelming, and I was done being overwhelmed.

So while everyone was telling me, "Oh, you will get in, don't worry," I worried.

Then a few days ago, on my way to the doctor's office, we stopped by the mail box and there was a letter from UNC. With trembling hands I opened it, and my stomach dropped.

"Congratulations!" was the first word I read, and I knew it was all good. Immediately I thought, "I am of little faith." My acceptance into UNC proved that I can trust God in how He leads me, which is an awesome thing. His plans are good...but it kind of sucks that it took this to get me to believe that.

When I look at my life now compared to 9 months ago, I see why He took all those things away. He had other plans, and this was the only way I would see them. His ways certainly are not my ways, but they are good ways and true ways and they have a purpose.

So I'll be moving to Chapel Hill the first of May after my classes here are finished, and I'll be starting school May 15, all because of may my studies be through Him and for Him and to Him. That's the only way I fly.

Friday, March 09, 2007

My favorite Psalm

If You oh Lord kept a record of sin, oh Lord, who could stand?
But with You there is forgiveness, therefore You are feared
I wait for the Lord my soul waits and in His word I put my hope
I wait for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning
More than watchmen wait for the morning
Oh Israel, put your hope in the Lord
For with the Lord is unfailing love
And with Him is full redemption.

Psalm 130

When I get a little money, then I might get this as my next tatoo...but in Hebrew, around my ankle...I can't wait.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Often I've heard this verse, but this morning, I want to delight in God not for any other reason but to please Him, that He would rejoice over me with singing because He likes it when His kids spend time with Him.

This weekend I spent at home with my parents, and at the end of our time together, my mom said, "I'm not ready for you to go!" That made my day, and it seems that somehow I made her's as well.

I think maybe its similar with God...that He likes us to be around, to talk to Him, to delight in Him, and He doesn't like when we go.

So Father, may these melodies rise up to You! May I leap off the walls to get to You! For You are good...and Your love endures forever.