Oh ye of little faith

Nine months ago I made a major decision. After dislocating both my shoulders, having surgery, losing my job, losing most of my money to pay for hospital bills, moving home, breaking up with the man I thought I might marry, forgoing my four years in Spain, and crying more than a person probably ought to, I decided sought the Lord in prayer and decided to go back to school for nursing. After a bit of research, I learned that UNC had a 14 month BSN program for students already holding a Bachelors degree, and I only needed 4 classes to meet the required prerequisites. So I made a major decision.

I moved to Asheville, signed up for those classes at the local community college, found an amazing church, and applied to UNC--only UNC--as I truly believed that is where God wanted me, so I tossed my Duke and AB Tech applications and finished all my UNC stuff at the 11th hour. Then it was all in their hands...and ultimately, in the Lord's hands.

After applying, I learned some things about being accepted into this program...like its really competitive--really really competitive...like they only accept 30 people...like its one of the hardest program to get in to...and I started to lose hope.

I started to forget how God had led me. I started to have little faith in my abilities and in His. I started to think of what I would do if I didn't get in, and the only thing I could come up with was to cry.

I was so afraid to hope that I'd in get because the disappointment of being rejected would be so overwhelming, and I was done being overwhelmed.

So while everyone was telling me, "Oh, you will get in, don't worry," I worried.

Then a few days ago, on my way to the doctor's office, we stopped by the mail box and there was a letter from UNC. With trembling hands I opened it, and my stomach dropped.

"Congratulations!" was the first word I read, and I knew it was all good. Immediately I thought, "I am of little faith." My acceptance into UNC proved that I can trust God in how He leads me, which is an awesome thing. His plans are good...but it kind of sucks that it took this to get me to believe that.

When I look at my life now compared to 9 months ago, I see why He took all those things away. He had other plans, and this was the only way I would see them. His ways certainly are not my ways, but they are good ways and true ways and they have a purpose.

So I'll be moving to Chapel Hill the first of May after my classes here are finished, and I'll be starting school May 15, all because of Him...so may my studies be through Him and for Him and to Him. That's the only way I fly.