So I haven't written in awhile despite have a great deal to write about...things have just been so crazy here...what with working and going to school and helping with church stuff and FCA at Montreat, I find little time to write. Most of my free time is spent sleeping or studying or buffeting my body (i.e working out with what little energy I might have left)...and yet I find myself missing the opportunity to get out some thoughts that I hope encourage you as well as give you a little insight into the rantings of an almost 27 year old girl/woman.
Its weird to think of myself as such--as a woman. I remember being 14, reading my Seventeen magazine and wondering if I'd ever make it to that age, if I'd ever be that mature...I did make it to 17, and it was a wild ride, and 10 years later, I wonder how much has changed...granted, I know more than I did then, and I've seen and been places that dreams are made of, and I my circle of friends has grown exponentially. But I'm still a little boy crazy, still love fashion and funky hair and make-up (though my tastes have changed, praise the Lord), still love to be active and try new things and meet new people.
So have I changed? Have I grown up? Despite not feeling almost 27, I almost am, and I can honestly say yes, I think I have...
I'm braver now, and more secure. Like, now I can walk into a busy place with confidence, knowing who I am and liking it. I don't need people's attention, but I like it when I get it and smile to myself when I don't.
I think I'm quieter than I was then, if you can believe that...but the value of listening to others presses me often, so I do, and its awesome to hear different voices speaking into my life and sharing their stories.
I think I'm more passionate, but also more focused...its not this crazy passion that can do as much harm as good, but a controlled fire that only burns hotter with the pressure of direction and intent.
I'm more honest in my words, and hopefully more gracious too--and I know now how to say hard things and take risks with my words, especially when what I'm saying involves my heart.
I think now I love more fiercely because I know the pain of loss and grief. I know that people don't last forever here on this earth. I know about sickness and death, and it makes me value every day, even every hour. I tell people how I feel about them, how they are precious to me, how they encourage me, how I see God using them...I can't risk losing them without letting them know that they meant something to someone.
I have grown up, and for that I thank the Lord. He has made me who I am, and will continue to do a good work in me. His grace is responsible for any good that I've done or any love that I have.
At 17 I was all about myself--how I looked, who I was friends with, what people thought about me...a lot can happen in 10 years, and now, by His good grace, I'm a little less about me and a little more about Him, and that is an awesome place.
"Yes Lord, walking in the way of your truth I wait eagerly for You, for your name and renown is the desire of my soul." Isaiah 26:8