Tuesday, September 19, 2006

"I'll be waiting"

A friend of my roommate during seminary got married after a lot of "should I/shouldn't I" drama that took its toll on her and the man that so desperately wanted her to say "I do". When she finally made her decision on the morning of the wedding (no kidding), she requested a particular song to play as she walked down the aisle. My roommate, Jenny, who was in charge of the music that day, came home, played me the song, and we both wept. Though it wasn't a new song for me, its ability to cut to the deepest desire of my heart remained as sharp then as it had the first time I heard it.

I heard it again today on a mix CD that showed up in my car, and of course, it brought me to tears once again. The singer/songwriter, Tracy Chapman, captures the fear, sadness, joy, and hope wrapped in the promise of love...in the promise that someone makes to always be there waiting for you, to hold you and keep you close and safe.

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

My Jenny and I cried that night, I think, because both of us, deep down, want someone to say to us, "Yes, I think of you. Yes, I miss you when you are gone. Yes, I dream of you, and I'll be waiting. Come home." Maybe its the cry most girl's hearts, or everyone's heart, though a lot guys might not admit it. I'm not sure about that, but I know that just about every girl in my life desires with every fiber of her being for someone to think on her like this.

And when that doesn't happen, she wonders why. She wonders whats wrong with her. She wonders what those other girls have that she doesn't. She wonders if there is anything in her that is desirable, that could be valued and considered precious. She wonders if she'll be alone forever. Even the most confident and secure girls struggle with these questions and with the emotion they carry. That's one of the reasons we tend to cry a lot.

What's amazing is that these desires, I think, are from the Lord...that He made us girls to want, maybe even need, someone to say these things to us. And what's even more amazing is that when all the men in our lives are silent, and when we're alone at home night after night, and when all our friends are getting married, and when the questions are screaming in our heads, our Father in heaven has His eyes on us. He rejoices over us with singing. He comes to us and whispers, like a gentle breeze. He says to His daughters, "Yes, I think of you. Yes, I miss you when you are gone. Yes, I dream of you, and I'll be waiting. Come home."

And just then, that's enough...


Anonymous said...

girl...thanks...i needed that...especially tonight...amen and amen...

Anonymous said...

Kia ora!
Check out a song by Brooke Fraser called "Love is Waiting". She's an amazing Christian artist from NZ.
I was searching the quote on google that you have at the bottom of your page - that's how I randomly stumbled on your blog. I felt a bit like I was intruding so I didn't read any other entries, but loved the way you have written this one, it reminded me a bit of parts of the book "Captivating" too.
Keep fighting the good fight and running the race :)
God bless.