My sister walked into the emergency room last Sunday, looked at me lying in the bed hooked up to machines and unable to move my arm and just started laughing, "When it rains in pours, huh?" I laughed too...to keep from crying!
How right she was...in the span of 8 days I had left my boyfriend in Japan, both of us confused and clueless about the future, gotten sick with a sore throat, hit an undercover cop car, was diagnosed with pink eye, dislocated both shoulders, found out I have to have surgery on one of them, and had to give up my "dream" of becoming a firefighter. I had two thoughts running through my head, "What the crap?" and "Lord, what the crap?"
During those times in life when you are figuring stuff out like, "What am I doing?," and you think you've got a plan, all seems well. Then when the Lord just throws you for a loop as you dislocate your shoulders kayaking, those dreams go down the toilet, and you are left wondering, "Couldn't you have just sent me a note? Really, I would have listened." Of course He answers with, "I had to wrench Jacob's hip, my dear, and you don't want to limp the rest of your life, do you?" Should that make me thankful?
So again I find myself wondering, "What am I doing?" Well, for the meantime, I will be having surgery in the next few weeks on my right shoulder to repair the damage I did on Sunday and to prevent further dislocations. I'll be taking time off of work, looking for another job, and continuing to seek the Lord for His voice and for the sake of my community of fellow followers.
I won't lie, things aren't easy right now. There are financial concerns, emotional concerns, physical concerns...but the more I step back and trust God, the more hope I have that He has a plan much greater than the one I hoped for. Granted, His might not be easier or quite as secure, but its His, so its good. The question that now remains is how much of His plan will I accept without a fight. I just hope that He doesn't have to wrench my hip to get my attention...really Lord, you've got my attention.